Advice for Dogs
- You should have your human fixed, even if it's a purebred human. There are too many humans, and our big cities are over populated with them to the point where we are unable to feed and shelter all of them.
- If your human talks to much, we suggest using a shock collar to train them not to talk so much.
- If you must breed your human, even though we do not believe there are any good reasons for breeding humans, at least do genetic screening to help insure your human is a healthy one that conforms to breed standards.
- Some humans are very hyper and will pull on their leash constantly, for these extreme cases, we recommend a choker collar.
- If your human is aggressive and frequently starts fights, please put a muzzle on it when you take it out in public.
- You should feed your human something better than purina human chow.
- If your human is sick, you should not put it down just because you can't afford the cost of surgery. You should re-arrange your budget or mortgage your dog house.
- Don't buy a human for your puppy just to teach it responsibility.
- You should always carry "money" treats to reward your human. Humans love money and will do almost anything for money treats.
- If your human attacks a dog, it should be put to sleep.
- If you already own a male & a female human, you should be carefull about getting a third human. Two males will often fight very aggressively for the attention of the female, and two females will often do the same over a male human.
- A good way to test a human for temperament, is to takes its money or food away from it to see if it reacts aggressively.
- Some humans have a bad habit of peeing in the water bowl, if your human continuously goes to the bathroom in the house, we suggest you chain it outside.
Dog Training "On The Flip Side"
Dog Trainer: A dog who is able to make a human do what it wants.
"I do not have any issues with dog trainers, however, we do believe that it is more important to train humans how to treat dogs, than it is to train dogs."
What You Owe Your Pets
(This was orginally written for dog owners, but it applies to all animals)
- You owe them a chance to survive. Protection from traffic, harmful plants, the weather, etc., is your responsibility.
- You owe them a cool place in the summer and a warm place in the winter.
- You owe them enough attention to keep them from going insane with boredom.
- You owe them more than food and water––you owe them some time.
- You owe them enough education to help them cope with any problems they’ll be confronted with since you became their owner.
- You owe them enough respect not to ask them to jog on the pavement when it’s hot enough to keep you from going barefoot, or to wait in a hot car while you shop in an air-conditioned store.
- You owe them the time it takes to teach them how to get into and out of the pool so they won’t fall in and drown when you’re not around.
- You need to treat them as though they are living, breathing creatures with feelings, not just status symbols or toys that you respond to only when you’re bored or that you discard when they become an inconvenience as a result of your neglect.
- You owe them all the basic things in life that you yourself expect, because they’re not capable of acquiring these things on their own. They can’t pick their owners.
- You owe them a second or third or fourth chance when they make a mistake that you could have prevented with a little attention and effort.
- You owe them a life that’s more than eating, sleeping, waiting to go to the bathroom, and waiting for the next boring, empty day.
If you’re not willing to do what it takes to be a responsible, caring pet owner and a good friend, don’t get a pet! It’s better to not be a pet owner than to ruin an animal’s life on a whim.